The Pressure to Pair Up: Navigating Singlehood in a Couple-Obsessed World

-Sofia S

Intern, Jan- Apr 2024

Growing up, a lot of us associate having companionship or having a partner with our identity.

Especially when we hit the peaks of adolescence, a large number of individuals crave the feeling of “being wanted”.

But what about those who are single?

Taking into account the society we live in today, which sees marriage or partnership as a necessity for happiness, it is only normal to feel pressured or shameful if you are single.

There are different angles to it, let’s dive in!

Are married folks the epitome of Joy?

The American Psychological Association conducted a fifteen-year study of about 24,000 people to understand general life satisfaction and its association with marital happiness.

While it was seen that people who got married and stayed married felt a higher level of satisfaction in their lives, that increase was rather small and was a result of the initial phases of a marriage.

Dr. Richard Lucas- lead author of the study concluded that people were no more satisfied with life after marriage than they were before.

As can be understood from studying something as subjective as a marriage, results are highly variable.

Another study offered the conclusion that happy single individuals were more likely to marry and the benefits reaped by various couples in a marriage had wide differences.

However, where does shame come in for singles?

S for Single, S for Social Norms

While the shame associated with being single can come from within, it is more likely that the loneliness that comes with it, or the fear of being single forever, are things that are taught.

It is normal to feel a negative emotion about being single but the problem kicks in when we are made to feel as though there is something wrong with us for being single.

According to the Attachment Theory, we understand that humans possess an innate need for affiliation, to create connections in society.

A study conducted as part of the Sexuality Research and Policy included single as well as partnered individuals where those who were single reported a greater level of attachment anxiety and avoidance with higher internalized stigma (around being single) as compared to partnered individuals.

Various relationships- platonic or romantic- fulfill our need for belongingness and/or intimacy.

A large score of people depend on romantic relationships to satisfy the above needs. Even though a marriage can offer an abundant safe space for learning, growth, and happiness, friendships often take the back seat as underrated sources of joy.

Rainbows, Sunshine, and Singles

The perks of singlehood are presented to each of us, wrapped in a bow.

They prove to be opportunities for remarkable growth and discovery. As the cliche goes with some truth to it- being single means working on the best version of yourself, understanding the lows of previous relationships, and approaching it better the next time.

Once we begin to enjoy our own company too, we realize that it is a deep, lasting feeling of contentment that comes with exercising, meditating, pursuing our passions- on our own. It brings the revelation that only when we are happy in our own company is when we will enjoy that of another!

On the other end of the spectrum of emotions of being single, make sure to explore opportunities when they present themselves as you may be building relationships for a lifetime!

If you are not the kind to sit around and wait, that’s okay too! Since you know yourself and what’s best for you, searching actively for a partner that aligns with your needs may help you feel more in control of your romantic life.

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