More than Our Failures: the Dysfunctionality in which We Perceive Ourselves

-Dubori Nayantora

Intern, Mind Splatters, May-July 2024

We have come across the phrase "Don't let your failures define you" but when we are in that position where all we can see are dead ends and the darkness being absorbed into our world, we do indeed let our failures rule over the best of us. We are the sole villain in the story, we project our hate and disappointment onto this villain, and eventually, our self-concept with that of the villain feels inseparable. It is the essence of human experience to allow such inseparability even if we try not to let it define us. 

Our failures do shape our response towards the world, and by identifying the impact it has on our self-concept and behaviour, we can understand how inadvertently we create obstacles for ourselves, even though we deserve the same kindness and love we would provide to someone who is in our shoes. 

We look at failures as a mark of shame when in turn we can flip the coin and see the other side that states a larger picture, that is, we need to let our failures guide us so that we can make better choices not just to succeed at something, but also to be more accepting of ourselves when we feel the most unlovable. We are applauded for our achievements and looked down upon for our failures, but can't we see that success and failures always overlap with one another, if we did not fail, how did we learn to be successful at something? As we say, happiness and sadness complement one another so that we can understand the importance of the other in its absence. We need to embrace the notion of making mistakes and failing as a part of our unique journey from a young age, instead of throwing ourselves under the radar of scrutiny. When we are winning, it is crystal clear to see the things we need to remember to win another time, but when we fail, it feels like we are lost in an unknown place and we don't know how to figure our way back to our home. 

Perhaps, it is too philosophical for us to present the above points but at the most vulnerable point of one's life, what we require is not judgment but a ray of tenderness from ourselves. 

Our mind becomes our biggest enemy by creating distortions of who we are as a person and the worth we hold in the life we have been offered, we start straying away from reality and hold onto punishing ourselves. We need to understand that we are more than what our distortions present us with. 

To the ones who are reading this, 

Remember to treat your wounds and the sense of insufficiency with the love you have for yourself, make peace with your expectations and mistakes, realise that your time is never too late or soon and most importantly, seek professional help to recognise your self-worth!